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Me & Baby || 6 Weeks

I can't quite believe where the time is going but little Lawson is 6 weeks already. I can't seem to remember what life was like before he made his appearance. Days seem to speed by and fill up pretty quickly that I don't quite know how I used to fill my day's up with before. Don't get me wrong though, I have not forgotten the luxury of a full night's sleep. Oh how I would love just one night of unbroken sleep.... just for one night!!

I am currently typing this blog with Lawson sitting in his bouncer with one foot bouncing him to sleep. Multi- talented Mama right here!!

6 weeks hey... he has hit double figures in his weight. He is now over 10lbs. I have packed away his tiny new born clothes that swamped him when he was born that he can hardly squeeze into now. It was quite emotional doing this. I can't believe how much he has grown. Who needs the gym, when you have a baby that is piling on the pounds to carry/push around.
Lawson recently has become so much more aware of his surroundings. He is looking around a lot more and taking it all in. We aim to get out and about every day if we can, weather dependant! Not that Lawson really notices as he still sleeps throughout the day.
Talking about sleep, he has a big hatred towards his moses during the day, not napping any more than 20 mins in his moses. However in arms or in his bouncy chair, he can go for hours!! What is strange is that he *touch wood* sleeps in his moses at night 2-3 hours at a time so I don't quite get his feelings towards his moses during the day.

I absolutely love having baby cuddles from Lawson... he is just so squishy!! The hours I spend just looking at him in awe is insane ha!!! He really is a beautiful baby. Made even more so beautiful as we have had the odd smile from him. I can't wait for this to become a daily thing, he face lights up. I also admit to crying the first time he smiled as I was not expecting it at all. I love how this little boy surprises me every day.

The things that Lawson loves at the moment are still looking at the beams and windows in our living room. He just stares at them for so long... and he also loves to look at Mr Fox and Rory the Lion his stuffed toys. Surprisingly his ear's don't seem to bleed when I sing to him... and he loves 'Hickory Dickory Dock' and 'The grand old Duke of York' nursery rhymes being sung to him. He also loves having his evening bath when Daddy gets home from work.

He also met Aunty Alice, Uncle Rich, his BFF Arthur in these 6 weeks.

I am feeling much better in myself now.  I am not going to lie, the first week of Alex being back at work was tough. I got so used to having an extra pair of hands around to help during the day when Alex was on paternity leave. However my mum came to visit and gave me plenty of tips. The first week, I really felt the fact that we live in a town where our closest family members are 1.5 hours away. I felt incredibly alone even though I know the phone is just there... but it just isn't the same. Anyone who has a baby and has their family around the corner from them are incredibly lucky to have that support network. My mum was amazing though, giving lots of pointers and encouragement where it really was needed. The love and respect for my parents has grown since becoming a parent myself.

However as the weeks have passed and my confidence has grown we both love to get out of the house and go for walks. Its nice to go for a walk and not feel massive and out of breath with a baby bump. However pushing a pram around must be burning the calories!!  My belly is still a little soft and I am waiting for my 6 week check up before resuming any form of exercise to try and tone this belly up. I am not going to go crazy though, my body went through the wars and I am going to be incredibly kind to it.

Oui || We had a baby!

Guess what... we had a baby!! Our baby boy Lawson was born on the 17th May, which happens to be 2 weeks ago today. I can't believe how quickly those 2 weeks has gone. I feel like Alex and I have been in some sort of new born baby bubble as we try and get our heads around this parenting lark. He is the most gorgeous little boy we have seen. He has a head full of the whitest blonde hair paired with the darkest blue eyes verging on the colour navy. We are besotted with him. I feel we have learnt so much about each other in the past 2 weeks than we have done in the past 12 years of being with each other.

Now don't get me wrong, we have loved every minute of the past 2 weeks but it hasn't always been fun and games. I would have to say that the past 2 weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster as we get to know our baby boy and his ways. He is incredibly strong minded yet has such a gentle soul. He is incredibly laid back but also a little impatient at times (I won't say who he get's this from!). He loves to have a good look around and take in his new surroundings as each day goes by.

The first week was incredibly tricky as we were fighting with him to breastfeed. For something that is meant to be so natural... it is incredibly hard. Unfortunately due to the fact that breastfeeding was not going so well, he was admitted into hospital within his first week which was heartbreaking for Alex and I. We realised that breastfeeding obviously wasn't the way to go with this little boy. We have had to formula feed him. Mixing this with him perking up and finally putting weight on instead of losing it helped ease the 'Mama Guilt' slightly but it still perks its head up every now and then when he starts to look for the boob. I always thought I would be quite open in terms of breast feeding but it is amazing once he arrived how important it was to me. However due to expressing, this makes me feel slightly better knowing that he is getting my breastmilk... just not through the traditional way.

The one thing I was quite shocked about after giving birth (I might share my birth story at some point) was the pain and discomfort that would happen after. Now don't get me wrong... I thought there would be some bruising etc but the pain overwhelmed me. The fact I had to look after a little baby alongside feeling like I had been hit by a double decker bus completely took it out of me. Thankfully Lawson and I had Alex to rely on for running around and looking after the both of us.

Again, the mother guilt of not breastfeeding our little boy really took its toll. Much more so than I ever thought. I felt jealous over friends who were able to breastfeed and how their little babies just did it... and the amount of messages I got from everyone saying 'it will get easier with time' was beginning to take its toll. How could it get easier if he wasn't eating!! I felt I was at war with my little boy within the first few days.  I had one or two friends though who bottle feed send me the most encouraging messages telling me that I am a good mum and the fact that I am feeding my boy and seeing him grow compared to when he was breastfeeding was a major help.

The support I have had from my family and friends has been overwhelming. I feel the respect I have for my own parents has tripled. I feel the relationship with my mum which was already close has become closer as I have been calling her at all sorts of hours in tears as I adjust to being a new mum.

One positive is the fact that I am back in my pre pregnancy jeans!!! It was getting to the point at the end of my pregnancy that I had about 3 outfits on rotation as this is what fitted. Now I have a wardrobe full of outfits... it feels like I have just been shopping and I can't wait to explore my old wardrobe again. Don't get me wrong though, my tummy which has flattened out is not as solid as it used to be but I am ok with this. My body is incredible... to think its built my little boy and carried him for 9 months amazes me and I am happy to let it go for a bit.

Cornwall || Potager Gardens, Constantine

I can not believe that I am going to say that I am 37 weeks (+4 days) pregnant. I don't know where the time has gone. Our midwife has told us that Mini May is moving into position which means it could happen at any moment... which is scary and exciting at the same time. I feel my bump has really popped. I get so many knowing smiles from strangers as they spot my bump from a mile off, it is such a lovely feeling and something I am going to miss. 

I am officially on Maternity leave now, which means I am able to relax a bit more, catch up on sleep and just get the last few odds and ends tidied up before his arrival. My 'to-do' list is getting smaller and I am slowly learning to relax... something that does not come very naturally to me as I have found out. Who knew I was such a workaholic that hates sitting around!! 

Due to the final count down being on, Alex and I are just trying to enjoy our last few days together as a family of two. We decided to go for a relaxing and peaceful breakfast at a local cafe of ours called the 'Potager Gardens'. It is a lovely cafe which serves vegetarian food only and it is so delicious. The fact that the surroundings are incredibly beautiful helps add to the atmosphere. We also wanted to go check out the wisteria in the greenhouse and I am so glad we did. It was just absolutely stunning and I couldn't resist getting a bump photo underneath the wisteria. I am always going to cherish these days with Alex, talking about how your future is going to change. The anxious/nervous/excited glances we keep giving each other as reality keeps hitting us. It really is such a special moment in our life that we both can't wait to get started now! 

Travels || St Ives, Cornwall

I can't believe I am going to say this as I don't know where the time has gone. I feel we are on the final countdown before we meet our new little boy. We are prepping the house and our minds for his arrival and the excitement is fully heightened and the nerves are starting to kick in as his birthday approaches very quickly in 8 weeks (that is if he is not late... please don't be late Mini May!!)

Due to being so busy working on the house and his nursery and also general life. Alex and I wanted to take a few days away to try and relax and get our last 'holiday' as a couple in to spend some time together. We left it a little late to be able to fly anywhere hot so we started looking at UK breaks. We were looking at the Cotswolds, New Forest and the Lake District and in the end Alex suggested a 'staycation' at St Ives. It might be 35 minutes away from where we live but it feels like a million miles away when we go to visit. The last time we actually visited St Ives as a holiday was nearly 5 years ago on our mini honeymoon and it could not have been more perfect.

We jumped on to air bnb and was spoilt for choice but we found the perfect place. A one bedroom apartment right on Porthmeor Beach with a balcony that we could sit on and look out to the sea. We popped to Porthmeor Cafe for a late breakfast and coffee (decaf for me!). We just sat in the sun outside on the terrace overlooking the beach which reminded us of our Australian days.

My one requirement of the break was that we went out for a really nice meal as I know this will be one of our last chances for a while and we did just that. We visited the restaurant Alba where the food was incredible and the service was impeccable too. The waitress spotted my baby bump and brought me the 'mocktail' drink menu straight away. She read my mind!! 

The Piazza apartment could not of been more perfect. It was so private and in a old 1960's apartment block. Most people hate concrete 1960's buildings but Alex will tell you I have a small love affair with them. The straight lines mixed with the wired glass... something just appeals to me inside. The building complex even has its own personal Barbara Hepworth sculpture. 

Alex and I love St Ives. We love its atmosphere and its small cobbled streets full of small independent shops and businesses. Popping in and out of galleries and gawping at peoples talent with a paint brush or clay. If you are an art lover then St Ives is the place to visit. 

Our least favourite part of St Ives has to be the fact that everyone and his dog knows about its beauty too. If you visit in the summer it is like Piccadilly Circus. However the weekend we chose seemed to be fairly quiet and what made it even better was that the sun shone for the first time this year and temperatures hit 16 degrees!! Due to being pregnant I always seem to wake up early which means we took advantage of watching the most amazing sunrises. We would be the first people to make footprints on the beach as we took early morning walks and taking advantage of the uncrowded beaches.

This break was perfect as we just relaxed, caught up on lost sleep, watched the sun rise and the sun set, walked for miles over the coast and ate good food. We could not of asked for anymore!!